Good Morning my friends! <3
From now on, I will start my newsletter with a few questions I want you to reflect upon before we move into that day’s piece. Also, I will put the same questions at the end of the newsletter because I want you to think about them again and send me your answers by replying to the email. Without further ado, let’s get started! :)
Questions to answer:
I couldn’t find the explanation for a quiet time, but suddenly, while reading Dotcom Secrets by Brandon Russell, I came across the concept of “pre-framing” and neuro-linguistic programming.
Here is the excerpt from the book:
Experts in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) talk a lot about pre-framing to gain the outcome you desire. A pre-frame is simply the state of mind you place someone in as they enter into the next step in your sales funnel.
Changing the frame of mind, the mindset, can profoundly change the answer to a question or the experience you have with someone or something. People do this all the time without realizing it.
For example, if I want to ask my wife a favor, I might pre-frame her by saying, "Wow, you are looking beautiful today. Thanks so much for all the great stuff you're doing with the kids tonight. I really appreciate you spending the evening with them." Then I might follow that up with, "I'm just curious, do you mind if I go hang out with my buddies tonight?"
Because I started with the pre-frame, it's more likely that she'll respond the way I want her to. I set up a positive frame of mind before I asked the favor.
What really matters is what the person experienced before he got to hear the ask. The same ask would not be the same if it went through a different frame. I will give you a
Personal example
Back when I was in high school, during dinner, I would tell my mother some joke that I knew would make her laugh, notify her I got straight As in school, clean the table after we ate, and then after “I warmed her up”; I would ask her if I could go to the small friends weekend gathering in the cottage aka 3-days-long Big Lake Party.
But what do you think would happen if I told her I got an F, was late for school this morning, and that the professor would probably call her because of my bad behavior in the class? I would most likely get a big “Hell No!”
Remember, the goal with a pre-frame is to warm up the “prospects” so they are in the correct frame of mind to be most receptive to your “offer.”
A quiz is my new favorite pre-frame tool. As you can see, we started this newsletter by you answering a few short questions. Questions intrigue your curiosity and pre-frame your brain on what is coming.
Whoever controls the framing controls the sales and since everything in your life is a sale, the frame people enter your life through is probably the most important thing you can own.
Invisible Defense Shield
An invisible defense shield is genetically designed to protect us from ideas and perspectives that are not our own. This defensive mechanism is deeply embedded in our survival instinct.
When this energy field is overwhelmed, it collapses and our mental defenses fall. When that happens we become subject to another person's ideas, desires, and commands, and then that person can impose his will on us.
Now that we understand that each of us has mental defense shields let’s see how we can go beyond them and get the results we want.
To get the result you want from a certain person, you can either:
Go in a clash with that person's beliefs until the person is overwhelmed and their belief system falls. When that happens we become subject to another person's ideas, desires, and commands, and then that person can impose his will on us. This usually leads to heated arguments and negative emotions.
Frame your ask in a way that fits that person's point of view. When you do that, you don’t interfere with their belief system, your ask won’t agitate them and you will most likely get a positive answer. Somebody could say this is manipulation but I wouldn’t agree. Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others. Framing is just the practice of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) in real time.
What I noticed is that females usually use a second approach, especially when they need something from men. And males are more predisposed to the first type of approach. I would argue that this is rooted in our gender roles but that is a topic for another discussion.
The world's leading expert on sales, raising capital, and negotiation Oren Klaff about frames:
Everyone uses frames, whether they realize it or not, and every social encounter brings frames together. Frames don't exist in the same place and at the same time, for a very long they crash into each other, and one or the other gains control. Only one frame survives; the other break, and are absorbed. Stronger frames always absorb weaker frames, and finally, the winning frame governs every social interaction for the period of the interaction, and when it does that, it is said to have frame control.
Understanding how to harness and apply the power of frames is the most important thing you will ever learn.
Even tho I feel I have more to research on this topic before I send it to others, I won’t hesitate. I will publish the newsletter as I planned - each Monday and Thursday. I understand that no learning ever ends, and no knowledge is ever fully complete. I will build on top of this, gather my past learnings, and intertwine them with my current experiences to connect the dots of my future.
Questions to be reflected upon:
Would you say for yourself that you are a great communicator?
Do you find people usually like you?
How easy is it for you to get what you want from people?
I would like to hear back from you! Be encouraged to message me your answers by replying to this email. :)
In the next edition, I will share with you:
What NLP is
How to boost your life by practicing it
What areas of life can benefit from it
Question to ask yourself
Podcasts, Books & Articles on a particular topic